Obvious Observations on Deal or No Deal

No deal, you dumb ass! They always offer you a lot less than the top value on the board. I mean, duh, how are you going to win the big money if you make a deal for less? I don't understand where they find such morons for this show.

Probably in baptist churches.

Eruption from the Void

Eruption from the Void

It started out small

A quiverring sprout

Not really much to look at

But it grew

Fed by the tears of the working person

Nourished with the calcium ground from gnashing teeth

Of mothers with sick babies without health insurance who knew that the only free care they could get was from the emergency room, but that the emergency room was not the most economical way to treat a sick child and they made her wait and wait like she was so unimportant to them

It grew

And then springtime came

But it came in the winter
When The People rose up and chose hope

over death

It grows

Despite the evil capitalists

Striving to drown it in tea

And not even in a good tea, like Snapple

But some nasty tea from the internet that is brewed with the sweat from nutsacks

It will grow

The People are moved

The time has come

Don't be the last to see the light

HR 676

Obvious Observations on Health Care

I hate to be one to make obvious observations, but it seems like I need to because of the amount of dumbassedness there is on the internet and on TV and shit.

Obvious observations kind of has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? I didn't mean it to. It's as if I was a poet.

And didn't even know it.

So I was reading this article from somewhere that one of my idiot so-called-friends emailed me just cuz she said, "Like, you haven't done a blog in a long time. Maybe this will get you going," as though some stupid re:re:re:re forwarded email spam would be all it took to stimulate my mind into profound thoughts. Well it isn't! Moron! Stop forwarding me stupid emails cuz I don't even read them!

And this guy who wrote the emailed article (I assume it was a guy cuz no womyn could ever be this s-t-u-p-i-d) was going on about how something he called "a single payer system" was a disaster in Canada, which goes to show you how much he knows, since Canada doesn't even have this "single-payer system" thing - they have free health care that you go get for free and then the government pays for it. And he tried to make his point by saying that there were waiting lists to see doctors and get surgeries and stuff, and that this was the reason it was so bad.

OK, Mr. Cowboydumassrepublicratnazifuck, let me explain something very simple to you: when something is really, really good, that's when there is a waiting list. Not when it sucks. When it is good.

Let's say you're like every normal woman, and your boobs are too small or your nose is crooked or you have hideous earlobes or something, and you want to make more money, so you want to get it fixed so you don't look like Frankenstein's hideous offspring anymore. So you look in the phonebook to find a plastic surgeon cuz none of you so-called friends will admit to having any work done even though YOU KNOW THEY DID TAMMY CUZ NOBODY VISITS THEIR AUNT IN WISCONSIN FOR TWO WEEKS AND COMES HOME WITH THREE SIZES BIGGER BOOBS JUST CUZ THEY DRANK THE MILK! Lying bitch. The milk in Wisconsin isn't even that good, cuz it doesn't come from happy cows.

So you're reading the phonebook and you're looking for the name of a doctor that sounds like maybe he went to a decent medical school. You know, a name that's kinda, but not too jewey. And you start to make some calls, and the first guy you call can't even see you for a consult for 7 weeks, but the second guy can see you tomorrow at 9am. Or 1pm. Or anytime after 3.

Which one of these guys is the better doctor, and which one is going to leave you pointing in different directions? That's right. The one with the waiting list is the better doctor.

So, next time your at a party and Mr. Smartypants says, "In Canada, the waiting list for neo-natal care is 10 months long," you can confidently say, "That's cuz they have the best goddmaned doctors in the world, fuckwad."

Oh, and Mr. Smartypants is never a good tipper.

Obvious Observations.

A Red Rose

I was flipping through the TV channels today because I was bored and I wasn't working because my Aunt was visiting (if you know what I mean), and as I passed by MSNBC (which is the best, best channel out there if you want hard news coverage) they were all talking about some teabagging event that happened a couple days ago. Apparently, a bunch of fascists got paid by Fox News to stage a bunch of anti-Obama rallies where they whined about not wanting to pay there taxes. Supposedly, they were trying to recreate the Boston Tea Party or some shit, but instead they all just stood around yelling, "I'm tired of having to pay to get someone to lick my balls!" and shit like that. I mean, they had a guy on who said we should impeach Obama! WTF!!!?!!!!!

Racist Nazis.

I don't know what the big deal is about the taxes anyways. You go to the website, you type in a bunch of number in the forms, and they send you a check. Sure, the earned income tax credit worksheet is kinda complicated, but I mean THERE FUCKING PAYING YOU TO FILE YOUR TAXES WHY ARE YOU PROTESTING!!!!

It's not like they make you fill out 20 sheets of paper and then say "send us more money." The Boston Tea Party was about taxation without representation. Filling out your tax forms isn't taxation without representation. There giving you more money than you paid them! Thats not taxation. Thats democracy, you stupid rednecks.

Its no wonder the world hates us.

I don't get it

Why would The President have to go all the way to Europe to attend a meeting with other owners of a crappy Infiniti? Doesn't The President get, like a Cadillac or some shit limo? And isn't this a bad time to be taking time away from Transforming the economy into a fairer system to go hang out with a bunch of foreign fans of a foreign car? I mean, like aren't we bailing out GM and Chrysler, and Dodge and shit, and The President decides to go on a worldwide tour to promote a Japanese car that they haven't even made in years? Who the fuck is going to buy these bailed out shit cars with that kind of advertising?

This is the first time I have questioned the judgement of The President. I hope it is the last. I plan to organize a sit-in hunger-strike in the cafeteria of Reno U. That way, we can all show The President that he better wake up and be more of a pro-union guy, or we won't eat.

OK, I'm kinda pissed

Now I don't normally like to focus on politics that much on my blog, cuz you know, people either agree with you and they nod their heads and say you go grrl or they don't and then they don't read you like the big fucking stupid-ass morons that they are. But I just have to say that I'm worried about Obama.

He seems to be like some kind of warmonger or something. Like he's drunk with power. I thought like all my friends that when he talked about concentrating on the war in Afghanistan he was using that just as a way to beat Bushitler about the insanity that is Iraq but now it look s like he may really mean it. I mean I read yesterday that he was increasing the Predator drone attacks into Pakistan like a whole lot. And I saw both Predator and Predator 2, and I just don't think that we as Citizens of the World should be sending Predators into Pakistan. That thing was just a bad motherfucker. I mean, your sitting there in your hut, and suddenly a predator shows up, and your all, "I need to cover myself with mud," but then you realize that you live in a dessert and don't have any water, so all you have is dirt, but covering yourself in dirt doesn't work because I don't really get why but it doesn't. So then your dead and your in heaven going to God "so like where are all my fucking little virgin bitches?" and she says, "You don't get any cuz you didn't martyr yourself right, you were killed by a predator. And your a fucking sexist pig bastard and your lucky I don't let the howler monkies loose on your ass. You and all your virgin shit you tiny pricked little dickhead."

Fucking Bush.

Sketch me, I dance away

The Foreboding

I read the news today
Oh boy

I read the news each day
Oh joy

That's why I'm better than you

Fairness on the airwaves
The public airwaves
My airwaves
Coming back soon
And I will be the counterpoint

That's why I'm better than you

Hanity-schmanity
Limbaugh-limburger
Savage-indignation
You are going down
When I'm in town
As soon as the FCC restores fairness to my airwaves

That's why I'm better than you

This blog is but a taste of my talents
Talents keps behind the glass
And the money slots
For too long
Figuratively speaking

Evil
I am coming for you

Beware

Stimulate Me

Stimulate Me

One billion

Two billion

Three billion

Four

Spending more money

Stimulates more

Bridges

And highways

And schools

and Byways

Spending more money

In a stimulating way

Bipartisanship

Get on board

Or off of the ship

You stupid Republican obstructionist bastards

This is all your fault

Yet you do nothing

Like Nero, your hero

You fiddle while the country you destroyed is sprilaing down to death because of your inaction you stupid selfish morons

And your bad tippers

Like your other hero

The Gippers

Who is dead dead dead ha ha

The Earth is crying

For more stimulating

Tax the rich

Spend the money

And make everything better

Obama

Dear Civilization, I am Sorry

Dear Civilization

Rendition

Extradition

Perdition

I am Sorry

Dear Civilization

Global warming

Killer bee swarming

Clear cut farming

I am Sorry

Dear Civilization

Mohamed cartoons

Neocon loons

The occupation of the Palistinian homeland

I am sorry

Dear Civilization

Obama

Your welcome

A new diversion

A sometimes-friend/sometimes-more and I were out on the town a couple nights ago at some trendy place with some stupid Nazi name like "The Stock Exchange Club" or some capatalistic shit like that and as luck would have it, it was experimental jazz fusion night. So this band of guys were all like making the music up as they go and shit. I was like, wow, that is funky shit. Except it was actually jazzy shit and stuff (der). Those guys were really jamming, like tonight would be the big break they've been looking for, like some big record company executive would happen to be in town (in fucking Reno, of all places, as if!) and hear them and sign a big contract and then they'd get to tour and make big bucks and have stupid girls lined up outside there dressing rooms to suck there dicks and stuff and they could demand M&M's with all the brown ones removed and all that crazy rock star stuff that people think the music business is like, even though I mean are there even record company executives anymore? Aren't there just like MP3 managers who try really really hard to get you featured in the next iPod ad and that's about all they do and then every college kid steals your mp3 and emails it to every other college kid he ever met, and you end up making like 99 cents?

But, anyways, the bass player had really big hands. I've heard you have to have big hands to play the bass, but this was almost like obscene. My sometimes-friend was just staring at them all night. We were apprently not sometimes-more at the time.

I got to thinking how I had done some experimental improvisational theatre for a few years on and off around college (which was also on and off - IRONY ALERT!! IRONY ALERT!!!), but I hadn't done any in a while because nobody will actually pay you to do improvisational thatre, and I got tired of eating nothing but on-sale-expires-tomorrow tofu and ramen noodles. Theatre where someone actually spends time writing the script and changing it until it is right (righting the writing!!! IRONY ALERT!!! AGAIN!!!!!!!!!) and then professionals spend time rehersing it until they do it right (no, CherkyB, not like prom night all over again - very much the exact opposite of prom night all over again. Fucking dickhead.) is the theatre where you get paid enough to be able to afford veggie burgers and fressh greens.

I can say "greens" now, cuz Obama is President! Greens isn't racist anymore. Greens is da bomb.

And I was thinking about how I really do need a better creative outlet, cuz all whenever I try to imrpvise some lines in the middle of a show, the director gets all "As ifffff!!!" on me. But he's just jealous cuz I think of better lines than he ever did. And listening to the experimental jazz fusion band play for a couple hours really inspired me to try a new creative outlet. (And maybe, maybe, all the X helped with that thought process. I'm just sayin.)

Given that I'm trying to make the world a better place with this blog, I've decided to do experimental political poetry. I've also always liked stream-of-consciousness sicen I heard about it in junior high school, so I'll try to work that in in places. So here it goes.

The One

They said you could not do it

I told them you could

They said you would change nothing

I told them that you would

They tried to bitchslap you

But you bitchslapped them back

Only waaaay harder

Like a man hits his wife to enforce the patriarchy

Only in a good way

Not like in a man hitting his wife way

But like the way a wife cuts off her cheating lying bastard husband's dick

then shoves it in his mouth so it's the last thing he tastes

before the lead

from the shotgun blast

Die patriarchy

Die

The polar bears

Are smiling

not crying

or drowning

Because you brought back the ice

Like Ice T

only not as gangsta

but still totally hot and badass

The heat. The heat of the desert. In Iraq

In Iran

In Nevada

We are all sisters

and brothers too

And Bush can kill us no longer

his time of unjust rule has ended

because of you

Here is a cigar

You know what to do

Thank you

for being you

and not her

OK, now you all snap your fingers.