Corrections

I'd like to retract the comment I made yesterday about F-150 drivers being bad tippers. I was a little worked up, and perhaps a bit drunk, last night. You see, my job requires that I create the illusion that I am something that I am not (acting!), and this sometimes requires that I let clients buy me drinks and shit. So there was this guy who was a total prick in the audience last night, and he left $1.25 tip - all in quarters - and I saw him drive away in a F-150, and I was mad.

So yeah, not all F-150 drivers are bad tippers. I have noticed, just as Fabiola (or Mary or both) pointed out, that lesbians do tend to be some of the best tippers in my line of theatre.

The ones that have non-protest jobs, at least.

A Fly in the Ointment

I've been reading a lot about the prospective bailouts of the US auto makers and, since this is a politcal blog, I figured at some point I'd have to weight in on it. Now, I don't pretend to be a Big Expert in the economy like, obvoisuly duh, Obama! is, but I'll tell you, I'm not the bg, dumb fuck you all think I am because you are projecting your image of yourself on me. So, without further adoodie, here it is:

Fuck. Them. All.

Yeah, you heard me right. Is giving $75 billion to these idiots going to make me want to be seen tooling around town in a Cobalt SS? I don't fucking think so. A smoking hot blonde like me (bottle or otherwise) isn't going to be caught dead in anything they've even ever seen a picture of in Detroit. I mean, when was the last time you got decent tip from a F-150 driver? Right? Never? Yeah, I thought so.

Die, Detroit, Die. Like an unwanted fetus. Die.

Go to hell

You know, I do actually know it has been a while since I posted. Thank you all for emailing me, like I'm some sort of big, stupid fuckhead who can't remember to do her job. An unpaid job. You know, well, fuck you. Bitches. I'll post when I fucking want to.

Obama!

Halloqueen

I dressed as a goddess for Halloween, which to be quite honest, is not much of a stretch for me. I went to a party that the ladies downsatirs threw. I told everyone I was Terpsikhore, and when they said, "Huh?" I kicked them in the privates and danced away.

I wore a nice little white flowing number, and I walked around with a bunch of grapes while guzzling Chardonnay out of a goblet that probably wasn't Greek, but who the hell knows what the Greeks actually drank out of? It's very hard to get across the message that you're supposed to be Greek without resorting to such stupid clichés. I mean, if I was a man, I could just walk around with a boy's ass stuck on my cock, but that doesn't really work for a goddess.

Of course, the night was completely ruined by two stupid, stupid wymyn. One came as Hillary Clinton, with a rubber mask and a lime green pantsuit, and the other came as Sarah Palin, with spikey red heels, her hair up in a bun, and those horrible, horrible glasses.

I mean, what the fuck, you can't afford lasik? Maybe you should make your "fans" tip better.

Anyways, these two bitches kept making jokes about what great vice-presidents they'd be, much better than Joe Biden, and I just got incensed. Who the hell are they to go around implying Obama doesn't have excellent judgment? So I got all up in their faces and started shouting truth to power.

But, I'd had a lot of wine, so I had to lie down for a second in the middle to catch my breath, and the fucking hostessess threw me out! Oh yeah? Is that the way it's gonna be? I don't think I'll be stepping lightly upstairs at night from now on. And on Tuesday night, you can kiss my (sympathetically) black ass as Joe Biden becomes the V.P.

In. Your. Face. Bitches.

I watched baseball tonight

I don't get how these men could play a stupid game when there is so much suffering in the world. That's why wymyn should be put in charge. You didn't see any wymyn playing baseball tonight.

150,000 Tears

Can you fking believe it? Apparently, your not supposed to put lipstick on a pig, but its just fine to put $150,000 of new clothes on one! Bridge to nowhere, meet wardrobe to no wear.

I guess those republiNazis figure the only way to get anyone, even there stupid knuckle dragging caveman selves, to vote for this unqualified pig is to dress her up real nice like an aging French whorehouse madam in fancy designer clothes that the designers are probably crying about because their all gay and don't want there art, there blood sweat and tears, to be all draped over her pruny beauty-queen runner-up nasty gay-rights hating homophobic republiNazi body. And they get all semi-hard, cuz that is all these closeted sexually confused half-man republiNazis can get, and then that makes them get into an anti-abortion frenzy and they run right out and vote.

When I think of all the stupid redneck racists who are voting for this dressed-up gender-traiter, it makes me want to put my head down on the table and cry, just cry. Don't they see? No, they can't see past there racism.

I cry. I cry 150,000 tears.

The only time you will ever catch me with a $150,000 wardrobe is when I am walking down the red carpet to except my Tony award for the musical rendition of Vagina Monologues that I am working on. Its great. I added a lot of extra characters who converse with each other and there vagina's, cuz I never liked why vagina monologues always has to be performed by just one artist. I mean, we all have vaginas, right?

To You Stupid RepuliNazis

Obama!

The Problem with Men

I overheard some man (probably a nazi-repub) tell this joke tonight while I was eating my dinner. I almost threw up.

There once was a man from Peru
Who coverd his girlfriend in glue
As she squnited her eyes
She said with surprise
I told you not to get it my hair, you motherfucker!

He actually thought that was funny.

Domestic Violence Sunday

Today, my heart goes out to all those poor womyn who made a bad decision and married a man because today is a Sunday during football season. What's special about it besides that oh, so, poignant point? Nothing. It's like every other Sunday during football season. And of course I mean amerikkkan football, duh.

All over amerikkka today, men are beating there womyn because its the bottom of the nineth and there stupid teams didn't score enough touchdowns and are going to lose lose lose!

Just like John McCain. Lose lose lose!!!!!!

I read somewhere that they expected there to be race riots when Obama won. Well, I expect there to be gender riots. I think we need to round up all the men on election day and put them in there precious football stadiums where they can stand in line to pee and beat on each other instead of there wives and girlfirends. And then maybe a "terrorist" will blow them all up and we can be happy and live in peace with our sisters without that goddess damned football.

I dream of a world with Obama taking his rightful place at the side of the UN letting us finally FINALLY give peace a chance.

Change. F#@king yeah!

Oh Really?

Some bitch named Ellie yesterday said that I "diss on womyn a lot". That's totally not true. I only diss on uncle tom women who would rather let men run the world than stand up for their uterus rights. There not womyn at all. There chaimbermaids without the short skirts and bustieres

And that Ellie is probably one of them. She probably eats dead cow, too, just because she "likes the taste".

I think there should be a stupid tax on women who are all uncle tommy and chaimbermaidy. How would you like that? We could use the money for unversal health care for our uterusses.

I bet Obama feels the same way. I know he does, after he slapped around uncle tom Hillary. When he's president, your going to have to pay a lot more taxes to be as stupid as you are. And I'll get free health care!

VP debates

I don't know what is more debatable - if palin-bitch is qualified for VP or if Biden is going to RIP HER A NEW ONE in the debate. I mean, seriously, is getting boned by a moose really considered qualification for being a heatbeat away from the presidency? And if so, why isn't Mandingo's wife running for VP?

I think John Stewart said it best on The Daily Show, which is like the worlds' most popular hard news program, when he said something like I don't think she's qualified.

You go, girl!

No more coal!

Al Gore was right (I mean, duh!). We need to stop burning coal now!!!!!